Instant Relief.

My Medicine.

Three things can cure me…Music, Vacation & Friends.
After a crazy trip back from Las Vegas this past weekend I thought it was about time I caught you all up to this first part of 2010. I’ve been working as an account manager for an I.T. company up in Northern, Virginia. Not my ideal job, but its experience and it is in line with my objective. At a time where there are so many people struggling to find work, I can do nothing but be appreciative of someone giving me an opportunity straight out of college. At first the job was TOO easy, laid back in an office chair surfing the web all day. I had to admit, I thought I had it good. But what was I really getting out of that? The work began to pile on and before I knew it, I was forgetting to sleep at night because I was so busy. I needed a vacation, I needed sleep, and I needed time to get myself together.

The Remedy= VEGAS + FRIENDS + MY MUSIC

Reaching out to my best friend for a vacation was way too easy. The decision was made, birthday vacation to Las Vegas: either you’re in or you’re out. We counted down and got anxious as March rolled around and before I knew it I was sitting in Baltimore Airport waiting for my flight out. I won’t say I got MUCH sleep on this trip, but I did get to spend some quality time with some of my good friends while being on the other side of the country. There’s nothing better than not having any obligations for even a couple of days. Everything is carefree and it’s hard to keep a smile off your face. Although this was my 2nd time to Vegas in less than 2 years, it seemed as if I was there for the first time all over again; I HONESTLY think I could live there. Something about the lights and never sleeping seem to fit well with me, I mean I don’t get much sleep anyway right?!?! Weird thing about this trip is that both of my parents heavily encouraged me to “take a break” and get away for a little. You know whenever you reach your breaking point and you feel like you’re going to throw in the towel at any moment!?! That was me one week prior to going on vacation.

Instantly, I felt a sigh of relief when I stepped on that plane and turned on my iPod. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a sucker for music in general. It’s sort of like my therapy. The combination of J.T., Robin Thicke, Usher, Trey Songz, John Legend, and Melanie Fiona eased my mind as I cruised over the Midwest.

With my friends, music, and vacation all ON DECK for 5 days I knew I’d be feeling much better when I got back to work this week. I was right, they never fail….they are MY medicine.

2010...never late but ALWAYS on time.

2010: Love, Friends, Family, and Money…..in no particular order.

It’s a New Year, so there are new things to look forward to. I don’t regret ANYTHING from 2009! Made plenty of mistakes, but I've used them as stepping stones and continually try to move on. With everything lost there was SOOOO much gained.

[LOVE] I’m really looking to get a grip on my Love life this year. I think in the past I've tiptoed around the idea of “falling in love”. I know it can’t be forced but I must be more open-minded and willing to give myself a chance to open my heart to someone. I've had the CRAZIEST relationships in the past that I can only shake my head at. I've been a side thing, I've had side-things and I know I was young and naive. With this New Year I’ll seek to be kinder, wiser, and more caring when it comes to both mine and others’ emotions. Now completely done with undergrad I’m meeting so many people outside of my comfort zone and I can already tell that 2010 is going to be something fresh and new for me, and definitely something I need.

[FRIENDS] I am so grateful for all the new friendships I made in 09’. I have THEE most loving, outgoing friends on this earth and I appreciate them for dealing with me and my shenanigans. I love that I can send a message and say “FML”, and have so many of them jump right on and be my superman or superwoman! GOOD friends are hard to come by and I am glad to say that I've trimmed the ones off that weren't helping me grow and be a better person. Yes, in the middle of my blog and I am going to broadcast “BBM SAVES LIVES!!!” My goodness BBM Group Chat has gotten me through rough times, good times, and unexplainable times. Being able to contact my friends at the drop of a dime is important to me…and I love that they’re always there to listen. You know who you are!!!

[FAMILY] My support system: I had to grow up last year. I couldn't be babied by Daddy and Mommy anymore, and that was rough for me. Graduation came and went in .2123 seconds. Just when I thought life would turn into one big party, I was quickly reminded that LIFE was next. I had my 2 months of summer fun and then made the decision to move away from home. My mom was too sad to see me go and my dad applauded my bravery. Now up in Northern Virginia a little over 3 hours away from my family members, I smile when I get my “Good Morning” emails from dad reassuring me that I am on the right track. My mid day BBM’s from mother to ask me how my day is going make me feel like I've never left home. In the past few months my GAM was diagnosed with cancer and when I thought I wouldn't be able to keep it together I received the most touching call from my Nana letting me know that she would be there for my GAM. That’s when I knew I had THEE best family. My father’s mother stuck by my mother’s mother through all of her surgeries and prayed for her every night. I couldn’t ask for a better family, and just the thought of them makes me push THAT much harder every day.

[MONEY] I put it last, because although it is extremely important and necessary to survive…it doesn't make me, and it shouldn't make you either. Without LOVE, FRIENDS, and FAMILY I wouldn't get by….but on a lighter note, I am accepting donations, VEGAS babyyy!!!!!! Lol.

-CourtneyRene

Why I can't Do Relationships.....

"Things were all good just a week ago".... Well not necessarily a week but more like a few months ago. I remember when I actually looked forward to talking to him before I went to sleep and had a little smile on my face when that Good Morning text came through in the morning. Things went from good friends to damn near married in a span of a few months.

Problem is, "I" didn't know the transition was happening but apparently he did. I wish I could understand what changed....I won't dig into the deep details of the relationship but lets just say I thought I'd acquired a good friend. Boy was I wrong! It started with the constant texts of "i miss you". How can u miss someone you haven't known longer than a month? I'm not saying it's NOT possible, but I am saying in no way was the feeling mutual. Don't call me mean...just try and understand. Let me back up......

Met this dude at a party (problem number 1) in Baltimore back in July. Kicked it, exchanged numbers and chatted on a few occasions. Friends immediately laughed because he was just a kid *20*. I don't put an age on these type of things so I gave him a chance. You ever had a friend that you knew you could call at 3am to get a good laugh or to talk to you until you sobered up....(smh). That was him.

Probably should have realized things were taking a turn with the word 'baby' started getting thrown around. Remember i tweeted about the use of the word "babe"? I call a few of my friends that and I guess he took it the wrong way because the next thing I know babe had morphed into "baby". I immediately turned to my girls for advice and they all said the same thing, "LET HIM KNOW WHAT'S UP". But no, Courtney didn't do that. I continued to ignore the lovey dovey comments and went on like we were still basic friends from back in July.

In early October ..some 4 months later I started getting blank texts w/ a signature that read "i miss my baby"/"she's the one for me"/"finally found her". I tried to play dumb to see where that would get me. I'll tell you where it got me....stuck in an awkward position. The signatures were about me and he was dead serious. As the weeks progressed the calls were few and far between, mostly because I was trying to figure out how to let him know that things were moving to fast and he was getting out of control. I just KNEW that would end the "sketchiness", but nope he fired back with an almost 5 minute voicemail. I'll sum it up for you, "Please move to Baltimore and be with me. I can't take talking to you and not being able to see your face. It kills me everyday knowing I can't wake up to you. All of this is coming from the heart. Please call me as soon as you hear this!"

WTFFFFFF.

Am in the wrong for wanting to completely erase myself from this situation? I need advice! How do I get out of this now that I've let it escalate to this extreme???? I didn't think I was leading him on but I guess in a way I was. I don't really have the heart to completely DEAD him from my life but I can't let the boy continue to think we're this far along a relationship.

Why soooo Serious?!?!

This summer I can honestly say I enjoyed myself thoroughly. But of course with everything good you have to anticipate the negativity that comes with it. Loooots of people questioned me about my sudden change in habits. "Why did you "go out" so much?" "You party every night of the week, Courtney." In the back of my mind all I've been wanting to scream out to those who couldn't understand was, "N***a I work/worked hard so I deserve it!!!!!!". No one questioned me when I sat up all hours of the night putting together last minute papers and proposals for coursework this last 4 years. No one questioned me when I had bags under my eyes from the ounce of sleep I got after working for 10 hours.

Now that I've graduated, received my degree, I don't understand why I was *shamed* because I decided to enjoy my summer. I work hard so I can play hard....that's my motto and I'm sticking to it. I'm not knocking those who are SERIOUS all the damn time, but geeeeez give yourself a break every once and awhile and go out an enjoy being alive. My mom always says I have it made because I'm not in a serious relationship, I have NO kids, and I have a good head on my shoulders. I finally let that sink in and I realized that as long as I stay passionate about my goals and am continually moving forward to see that they are reached who gives a sh** if I go out for drinks Mon-Thurs?

I'm done with being SERIOUS all the time. There's a time to do it, and I time to let go. I'm not knocking those who don't have the time to play but if you're situation is similar to mine....YOUNG, SINGLE, and EDUCATED, you've got to get out there and enjoy it!!!! You'll begin to see that there's much more to life than having a boyfriend/girlfriend, working 24/7, and staying cooped up in the house. Underneath it all there's this thing called [living].

It's okay to be BASIC.

In case you haven't met me, I'm Courtney Rene a 22 year girl born and bred in New Jersey but now residing in VA. This morning, I woke up and I decided the best way to get ALL the crap that builds up inside me daily out is to BLOG. I could care less how many "followers" and how many "readers" I get. This here is for ME!

Day to day there is soooo much I want to say to people but I'm often uncomfortable bringing up the random topics that pick at my brain. I wish I had the time and opportunity to just write down how I'm feeling ALL the time. My highs and lows fluctuate 1,000 times in an hour and if I were an outsider looking in, I'd be interested in what goes through my mind. My laid-back approach to things puts many people that surround me at ease, but if you could look through my [Basic Browns] at any given time of day you would see that there's more to me than my brown eyes. Inside my mind and heart I have a story I want to tell the world....I'm just not sure if anyone is willing to listen. Thankfully, I'm OK with that and I've decided to express myself through "blogging" with hopes that you'll be able understand me a little bit better. Sometimes I throw myself off but I think that's what keeps me motivated and spontaneous. I *dare* to be different but in a completely different way then everyone else. I've acknowledged that its OK to be basic....

I hope I haven't confused you or frightened you away yet.....
If your interested in seeing behind my [Basic Browns] you've come to the right place :-)