Why I can't Do Relationships.....

"Things were all good just a week ago".... Well not necessarily a week but more like a few months ago. I remember when I actually looked forward to talking to him before I went to sleep and had a little smile on my face when that Good Morning text came through in the morning. Things went from good friends to damn near married in a span of a few months.

Problem is, "I" didn't know the transition was happening but apparently he did. I wish I could understand what changed....I won't dig into the deep details of the relationship but lets just say I thought I'd acquired a good friend. Boy was I wrong! It started with the constant texts of "i miss you". How can u miss someone you haven't known longer than a month? I'm not saying it's NOT possible, but I am saying in no way was the feeling mutual. Don't call me mean...just try and understand. Let me back up......

Met this dude at a party (problem number 1) in Baltimore back in July. Kicked it, exchanged numbers and chatted on a few occasions. Friends immediately laughed because he was just a kid *20*. I don't put an age on these type of things so I gave him a chance. You ever had a friend that you knew you could call at 3am to get a good laugh or to talk to you until you sobered up....(smh). That was him.

Probably should have realized things were taking a turn with the word 'baby' started getting thrown around. Remember i tweeted about the use of the word "babe"? I call a few of my friends that and I guess he took it the wrong way because the next thing I know babe had morphed into "baby". I immediately turned to my girls for advice and they all said the same thing, "LET HIM KNOW WHAT'S UP". But no, Courtney didn't do that. I continued to ignore the lovey dovey comments and went on like we were still basic friends from back in July.

In early October ..some 4 months later I started getting blank texts w/ a signature that read "i miss my baby"/"she's the one for me"/"finally found her". I tried to play dumb to see where that would get me. I'll tell you where it got me....stuck in an awkward position. The signatures were about me and he was dead serious. As the weeks progressed the calls were few and far between, mostly because I was trying to figure out how to let him know that things were moving to fast and he was getting out of control. I just KNEW that would end the "sketchiness", but nope he fired back with an almost 5 minute voicemail. I'll sum it up for you, "Please move to Baltimore and be with me. I can't take talking to you and not being able to see your face. It kills me everyday knowing I can't wake up to you. All of this is coming from the heart. Please call me as soon as you hear this!"

WTFFFFFF.

Am in the wrong for wanting to completely erase myself from this situation? I need advice! How do I get out of this now that I've let it escalate to this extreme???? I didn't think I was leading him on but I guess in a way I was. I don't really have the heart to completely DEAD him from my life but I can't let the boy continue to think we're this far along a relationship.

Why soooo Serious?!?!

This summer I can honestly say I enjoyed myself thoroughly. But of course with everything good you have to anticipate the negativity that comes with it. Loooots of people questioned me about my sudden change in habits. "Why did you "go out" so much?" "You party every night of the week, Courtney." In the back of my mind all I've been wanting to scream out to those who couldn't understand was, "N***a I work/worked hard so I deserve it!!!!!!". No one questioned me when I sat up all hours of the night putting together last minute papers and proposals for coursework this last 4 years. No one questioned me when I had bags under my eyes from the ounce of sleep I got after working for 10 hours.

Now that I've graduated, received my degree, I don't understand why I was *shamed* because I decided to enjoy my summer. I work hard so I can play hard....that's my motto and I'm sticking to it. I'm not knocking those who are SERIOUS all the damn time, but geeeeez give yourself a break every once and awhile and go out an enjoy being alive. My mom always says I have it made because I'm not in a serious relationship, I have NO kids, and I have a good head on my shoulders. I finally let that sink in and I realized that as long as I stay passionate about my goals and am continually moving forward to see that they are reached who gives a sh** if I go out for drinks Mon-Thurs?

I'm done with being SERIOUS all the time. There's a time to do it, and I time to let go. I'm not knocking those who don't have the time to play but if you're situation is similar to mine....YOUNG, SINGLE, and EDUCATED, you've got to get out there and enjoy it!!!! You'll begin to see that there's much more to life than having a boyfriend/girlfriend, working 24/7, and staying cooped up in the house. Underneath it all there's this thing called [living].

It's okay to be BASIC.

In case you haven't met me, I'm Courtney Rene a 22 year girl born and bred in New Jersey but now residing in VA. This morning, I woke up and I decided the best way to get ALL the crap that builds up inside me daily out is to BLOG. I could care less how many "followers" and how many "readers" I get. This here is for ME!

Day to day there is soooo much I want to say to people but I'm often uncomfortable bringing up the random topics that pick at my brain. I wish I had the time and opportunity to just write down how I'm feeling ALL the time. My highs and lows fluctuate 1,000 times in an hour and if I were an outsider looking in, I'd be interested in what goes through my mind. My laid-back approach to things puts many people that surround me at ease, but if you could look through my [Basic Browns] at any given time of day you would see that there's more to me than my brown eyes. Inside my mind and heart I have a story I want to tell the world....I'm just not sure if anyone is willing to listen. Thankfully, I'm OK with that and I've decided to express myself through "blogging" with hopes that you'll be able understand me a little bit better. Sometimes I throw myself off but I think that's what keeps me motivated and spontaneous. I *dare* to be different but in a completely different way then everyone else. I've acknowledged that its OK to be basic....

I hope I haven't confused you or frightened you away yet.....
If your interested in seeing behind my [Basic Browns] you've come to the right place :-)